Valentines Schmalentines

UGH. Can I just say I’m sick of VD day? I swear if I see one more ad with hearts and flowers or pink and red I’m going to unload on someone. Why is it that almost every freaking year I’m single around this holiday? I can remember one time in the last SIX years that I’ve had a boyfriend on VD day. Even when I was married or had a boyfriend, I’ve never really enjoyed this time of year.

My BF and I forever have always thought this is the most overrated holiday in the world, with Easter as a close second. Of course, we respect the religiousness of Easter, it’s all the commercial stuff we’re talking about. And it’s not a typo – we’ve referred to Valentine’s day as VD-Day since 1987, I’m pretty sure we started the whole VD-day moniker.

This year is no exception. I have had a couple of dates since New Year’s Eve with one guy, he took a three week hiatus from calling, so there’s still a little bit of uncertainty with what’s up there. But out of all the guys I’ve dated in the last six months, I could see myself with him more than any of the other ones – only because I think he would totally fit in with my friends and family and I feel like I can be myself around him.

I was driving home the other night and passed the porn store. It caught me off guard because the place was so packed – then I remembered what day was coming up. I was glad to see it so busy, at least they are getting stuff they can use, flowers are so overrated! A vibrator lasts forever (unless you’re me, and have burned out two of them), but flowers die in 3 days.

Lo and behold though, someone actually copied my idea. Until I made plans to fly to Arizona on the 15th, I was going to have a ’singles only’ cocktail party. Well, what do you know, one of my girlfriends beat me to the punch. She sent out a secret Facebook invite to a singles party Saturday night. I’m so planning on going. Should be interesting because I have to be at the airport at 5:00 a.m. Yes, that is A.M…I see a recipe for disaster.

But you’ll all be glad to know, I have not given up on love. I’m still optimistic
that I’ll meet someone and fall head-over-heels in love. I’ve been watching Millionaire Matchmaker so I’m confident that there is someone out there for me. Hey, I have one friend that said you should always marry the first time for love and the second for money, so I guess I’m on money, eh???

Happy Freaking VD Day!

Unfunded Mandates

What do you mean, I need a new transmission? Does it have something to do with the fact that my Tahoe (The Ho) wouldn’t go in reverse today and left me almost stranded in town? Luckily I was able to get The Ho going forward in drive so could get it to the body shop.

There is nothing worse than those non-budgeted emergencies that come up that have to be paid for. In the city business, we would call these ‘unfunded mandates’. Think voter initiatives that require new laws and the agency hasn’t budgeted for them. I was totally unprepared for a $3,000 transmission. I’m pretty sure in the tranny world, three grand could pay for a lot.

Luckily, I have a spare car I can drive. I’m working on Plan B to borrow my dad’s truck for a while since I’m trying to sell said spare car and don’t want to rack up any more miles on it.

No matter how you play it, it’s still a hassle. Of course, the first advice I get is to get something more reliable. Hello, if you think I could have afforded something like a freaking Volvo, do you think I’d be driving a ten year old vehicle just because I like it? Not that I’m not safety conscious and don’t want a Volvo, but it has something to do with those huge MBA student loan payments.

I might have to switch to cheaper beer.

Generation Gap

You know the old saying, ‘when it rains, it pours’, well I just went from a complete dating drought to a rainstorm. All of the sudden I’ve got three potential interests in the pipeline.

Even more interesting is that they are from three different generations. Now, me being a story whore, maybe one or two of them are just there for writing inspiration, but that’s beside the point. I just heard this on Californication – sometimes my whore logic gets fu$&*d up. this is so true, sometimes my dating logic gets skewed somewhere in between not wanting to be alone and dating the wrong guy.

So you’re saying, spill it sister. What’s the scoop? I’ll tell you about Mr. X, Y and Z, but the letters don’t necessarily coincide with their generational labels.

Mr. X: I met this guy a while ago, but we saw each other out right before Thanksgiving, hit it off and ended up doing a little smooching. That was about it, but then he never called afterwards, so I chalked it up to him being in his early 30’s. Didn’t really think much of it until this weekend when I see him out. We got over the awkwardness of why he didn’t call and ended up getting a little cozy at the bar.

Mr. Y: We had a blind date on New Year’s Day for a few beers, then I’ve seen him a couple of times since then. He’s got his kids every other weekend so it’s kind of a challenge to see him. He’s in his early 40’s, a good dad (which I really like about a guy) and makes me laugh. We’re supposed to have dinner soon.

Mr. Z: I ran into this guy at an out of town function, we got to talking; he’s in a high profile position in the town I work in. He’s interested in me but unfortunately he’s also married…even though he says it’s over and they are pretty much living apart. Note, I said ‘pretty much’ so it’s not a done deal. His son went out with one of my friends. He’s old enough to be the father of Mr. X or one of my old boyfriends.

Age isn’t really that big of a deal to me, it’s like race. At least I like to think it doesn’t make a difference. I’ve gone out with guys that are older or younger and guys are guys, there are some generational differences but they aren’t deal breakers. But here is one big thing I worry about when going out with someone over the age of 40. What if they need ‘the little blue pill’? You know, health issues start creeping up, what if he can’t get ‘in the mood’ without a little help? Even worse, what if he has a freaking heart attack or stroke? Then am I obligated to stay with him – flashbacks from a Seinfeld episode.

I’m not sure I’m ‘up’ for it…but I’ll bet it would make for a good story.

The Ball

“The Governor’s Ball”…What an elegant sound. I mentioned last week that I was going to attend this year’s Washington State Governor’s Inaugural Ball. It was pretty cool. It reminds me of the AC/DC song Big Balls (who’s got the biggest balls of them all).

I happened to be in Olympia for a training so I bought a ticket, even though I’m not into politics, frankly I can never remember what team she plays on since I’m on the fence when it comes to political parties.

But here’s the rundown: I was all decked out in a formal, a slinky shawl and my little black vintage purse. Also, I had my Escada party shoes on that I bought in Vegas at Ceasar’s Palace and lots of bling to match! I had even gotten my hair done earlier in the day.

The hairdo is a story in itself. I drove around for 30 minutes, went to six salons and they were all booked, finally went to one and they were all Korean. I asked if someone could do an up-do and the lady asked me in broken English if I wanted my eyebrows waxed. I said no and she gave me a really funny look. I was like, what, so I have full brows, it’s not like they are that bad. So this little gal starts curling my hair, then they are talking in Korean and I swear I thought they were telling the gal to give me some super crazy do that I wouldn’t have a choice but to go with it. But it turned out really cute, all those big curls and then she pulled some up. Since my dress went down a ways in the back I needed to leave part of my hair down to cover up my tattoo. Not that I cared, but I didn’t think the Gov would say, hey, nice tat.

So off to the gala ball! I ended up meeting up with some folks from my town so I didn’t have to go by myself. We wandered around the capital building, and then found the food and beverage tents. It was an open beer & wine bar, which turned out to be not a good thing for me. There was so much food, all done by culinary schools from across the state. The students would explain what some of them were and I realized that watching Top Chef does have real value.

They had the offices open in the Capitol – I even got my picture taken sitting at the State Treasurer’s desk. Then they had the ceremony and a receiving line, which I was right by the front so got to meet the Gov with hardly any waiting. There were so many people there it was hard to meet any cute guys, but I sure did see a lot of them!

We went back to the hotel bar and had a couple of more drinks. I stayed up way too late and had to go to class hungover, tired and then drive back home that way too.

All in all, it was a once in a lifetime experience and I would definitely do it again but try not to enjoy so much of the free wine.

The Rules

You’ve all heard these dating rules, something about the woman is always right, blah blah blah. I’ve got some personal rules to add, but might need some help clarifying. Here’s my top three (maybe four):

Number One rule. No married guys – it’s a complete waste of time if they are married or living apart but haven’t freaking filed yet. But I’m now running into a gray area here. What about someone going through a divorce? What if their divorce has been going on for over two years? How do you define it, that they’ve actually FILED for divorce? I’ll take some input on this. Personally, I think I’m calling bulls&*( on this, I’ve been divorced and it only took 90 days. Granted we didn’t have custody or alimony issues, but still, come on. Two+ years?

Number Two. No threesomes. Sorry guys, I know you all have this big fantasy about girl-on-girl, but I’m not interested. I think the only time people want to do a threesome is so they can get a free pass to cheat on their SO or spouse. I had a friend of mine tell me her husband wanted to have a threesome with me one time. Besides the big EWWWW, I knew the only reason he mentioned it because he wanted to sleep with me but knew I wouldn’t since I was friends with his wife. I should also mention that he was the work partner of my EX boyfriend. Nice, freaking cops.

Number Three: I personally don’t sleep with more than one person at a time. This would be different than a threesome, more like a ‘one woman man’ rule. I mean if I’m dating more than one person, and happen to sleep with one of them, then I won’t sleep with the other ones. Or if I’m regularly having sex with a guy I won’t have sex with another guy, even if we’re not serious and it happens to be in a different area code. So here’s my dilemma – who gets priority? What if you meet someone, maybe not sleep with them, but want to at a later date, then you don’t talk to the guy for a while, start dating someone else, but then run into the first guy out and about and end up hooking up? I know that’s hard to follow, but work with me here. I’m having a flashback of being in the Department of Motor Vehicles and taking a number. I guess when you’re totally done with your number you can move on? I’m not sure on this one.

I’ll have to get back to you all on Number Three. I still haven’t figured it out. I guess wait and see what happens with Door #1 before opening Door #2. Door #3 is really going to have to wait, especially if he hasn’t filed yet.

My big question is where were all these guys six months ago?

Touching Base

Hi friends…I know I’ve been remiss in posting, and you also know that excuses are like a$$holes, everyone’s got one. So, even though I don’t like to make excuses, I’ve got a couple. Frankly I got burnt out and have been busy, work has been really stressful and I still have Christmas presents I haven’t wrapped yet.

I know, it’s pathetic, but due to inclement weather, I haven’t seen my mom and stepdad so I still have their presents. I survived the holidays and am trying to refuel mentally to continue entertaining my pals.

So here’s a look of things to come:

• Raunchy girl dinner talk;
• Seeing an old flame;
• Dating someone new;
• Meeting up with some old pals; AND
• I’m going to the Washington State 2009 Governor’s Inaugural Ball on Wednesday.

What you say, Governor’s Ball? I feel like Cinderella. I’m not even political, but I’ll be in the same town for a training and am going. There’s got to be some singles there, I’m banking on it! Mama’s breaking out the Escada shoes, little black dress and lots of bling. Look for me in the socialite pages. Since it’s technically a Democratic event, do you think I should try and look like Sarah Palin? I’m thinking I’ll go with the contacts for this one.

Blast from the Past

Boy I don’t know what the new change-o-year has to do with blasts from the pasts is, but this is something. And it happens to coincide with an actual date of a real life decent guy.

I know I haven’t updated for a while, but chalk it up to being busy, single and facebook. Sorry but Facebook is where it’s at now. MySpace is out.

So I know there’s a lot to chat about since I had a couple of dates (with the same guy even). More later on the new guy.

Get this, I’ve had three recent blasts from the past.

1. One of my guy pals that I went from 1st grade on through school got in touch via classmates.com.;

2. My high school crush now wants to be my friend on facebook. Hey, dude, you should have went out with me then. Sorry, but I saw you at out ten year reunion and I looked way better than you did.

3. And then after a Broadway production of Movin Out (which rocked), I ran into the ONE GUY that I could have gone pretty much the rest of my life without wanting to see again. This is one of those guys that messes with your head and is bad news. Let’s just say we have history.  Turns out he’s now working at the new Yakima hot spot. Great…now I have to avoid that shit too. I so should have moved out of state…those damn nephews of mine have made it virtually impossible for me to leave.

I wonder if all these past connections are some sort of test – you know to maybe make me appreciate the new guy that I’m dating?

Gossip Girl

Don’t you hate it when someone tells you a juicy piece of gossip and then says, ‘but don’t tell anyone’. Oh, so it’s OK if they spill the beans that someone told them, probably with the same disclaimer of not telling anyone, but then they expect you not to say anything.

Sometimes you find out something so good and then have no one to tell, it’s like you just wish you knew someone that knew the parties involved so you could dish some scoop. I’m not big on speculative gossip, it’s just hurtful, especially if it’s not true, but it’s different if it’s true.

Just recently I heard some tidbits that blew me away, we’re talking married people cheating with married people, people getting fired, restraining orders, lots of drama – but then don’t have anyone to share it with because it’s different circles of friends. And by the way, in case you were wondering, these are like three different groups of people. I could tell you the details, but it’s just not the same if you don’t know them.

Here’s an old joke for you – how do Christians gossip? Prayer requests. Can’t you just hear it, ‘Dear Lord, please pray for Jane Doe, who is fooling around on her husband with her friend’s dad.’ What do you pray, that they don’t get caught? Don’t catch an STD? Get caught in the act?

I used to hear some really good stuff when I worked for city government and was friends with the guys in the police department. They’d totally catch two people hooking up that shouldn’t have been in an orchard, parking lot, or see some married guy’s car at his girlfriends house. Busted.

In case you’re a Gossip Girl fan (I’m hooked on this show), XOXO.

BordersTown

What is it with people that go to bookstores and just hang out and read? I don’t know why, but this just drives me nuts. It would be like going to Macy’s, trying a pair of boots on, wearing them around the whole store and then telling the clerk you don’t want them. In the meantime, you’ve got your germs all over, possibly scuffed them, and made them look worn.

This is the year for books for Christmas presents, I’ve got no inspiration or time to try and find the ultimate original gift, so I’m going with books.

As much as I love books, libraries and bookstores, I almost dread going to Borders anymore. There’s all these people lurking about, just kicking back in an easy chair reading. I’m thinking, don’t you people have freaking homes, why would you go read in a store compared to the comfort of your own home, how enjoyable is that?

If you don’t want to buy reading material, go to the library – hello, it’s free and you’ve got an unlimited resource. Except if your dog chews up a book, no kidding, I had to buy a book earlier this year because my dog dragged it outside and chewed the cover off.

I think I remember reading some dating advice that said bookstores are a great place to meet people. Maybe that’s why people just linger about, I guess it’s better than a singles bar. I don’t know, I still don’t get it.

New Chain Letter

To all my friends who send me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel’ letters or other promises of good luck.

NONE OF THAT SHIT IS WORKING!

Could you please just send:

Money, Alcohol, Hot Guys or Gasoline Vouchers?

Thank You.