I’ve been stuck at a class out of town all week. It’s a royal pain – started on a Sunday and doesn’t end until Friday. The first night, the coordinator said there are three types of attendees: Learners, Vacationers and Prisoners. I’m a textbook prisoner. Completely held hostage, would rather be at work, and am only going because it’s required for my certification. However, I’d probably be on ‘vacation’ if my co-worker wasn’t at the same class and it was held at a posh resort instead of a college campus. It’s about 30 miles from home, so I’m semi-commuting. It’s pretty handy, I can stay up there if I want to go have some drinks and then you’ve got a place to at least freshen up during the day. Thank God I got a room with a private bathroom.
The three descriptions are pretty accurate, but I’d add some more as well:
- Learners are the total brown nosers or people that love this type of stuff. They want to soak it all up. Every time someone asks a question you think to yourself ‘damn learner’. They like to wait around and talk to the presenter, thinking their additional question will make them memorable.
- Vacationers. Think Gretchen Wilson – I’m here for the party…No explanation needed. I’ve been keeping a low profile this time but did manage to tear it up last night. Not naming any names, but in a different instance, someone stayed out all night partying and then was completely hungover the next day.
- Prisoners. Would rather be anywhere else. Only there because their boss sent them or it’s required.
- Cliff Clavin. Knows it all and thinks he’s asking very intelligent questions or bringing up points that people are interested in.
- Grad Student. The one that is either getting their MBA or just finished. Thinks they are very insightful and have learned something revolutionary.
- The Invisible Man. The one that you can go all week and if you see them on the last day, you could swear that you’ve never seen them before.
- The Wallflowers. Kind of like the invisible man, but these are your students that just blend in to the scenery. You wonder, do they talk or just sit there?
- Rookies. We have some people there that have literally been in the profession less than a month. OK, maybe you want to freaking learn a little before trying to dive in to a week long class. This sh#% is way over their head.
- Been There Done That. This would be me. Tell me something I don’t know yet. Not that I know everything, but I’ve been doing this for a while. I don’t need two hour sessions for five days to get the point across.
- The cell phoner. I’m sorry, but how difficult is it now to put your phone on vibrate or quiet? I mean, come on, once might be an accident, but you’d think they’d make the adjustment.
Did I miss any? I think I did, but I’m too tired to think anymore. Plus my back is completely shot from sitting all day so I’m medicated.
Back to jail tomorrow…
